Date: Sat 17th March 2001 3pm. Venue: St.James' Park  Conditions: Cold but sunny.

Newcastle United	1-2	Middlesbrough
Half time:	0-2
Score Sheet:
Cort (60)		Boksic (28) Boksic (33)
	Teams
Given Barton Quinn S.Caldwell Hughes Solano Lee Acuna Speed Ameobi Cort		Schwarzer Festa Fleming Vickers Cooper Ince Karembeu Stamp Okon Whelan Boksic
Substitutes:
Griffin for Barton (85) Cordone for Acuna (85) Gallacher for Ameobi (84)		Mustoe for Karembeu (65) Ricard for Boksic (88)
Subs not used:
Harper Bassedas		Crossley Gavin Marinelli
Bookings:
Hughes (66)		Ince (17) Stamp (24) Whelan (86) Stamp (Second Bookable  Offence 45)
Referee: G Barber (Tring)
Attendance: 51,751.

Goals:

28 mins. Aaron Hughes was penalised for blocking Boksic down the right touchline. Karembeu's free-kick flicked off the head of Acuna, who was in a two-man wall and it fell perfectly to Boksic who headed past Given from six yards. 0-1

33 mins. Wayne Quinn brought down Ince as he neared the penalty area. Boksic then executed a perfect free-kick which just cleared the wall and fitted into the top left corner out of the reach of Shay. 0-2

Half time: Newcastle 0 Middlesbrough 2

60 mins. The ball cannoned off a defender and breaks to Cort who rifles home first time from 12 yards on the right hand side of the penalty area. 1-2

Full time: Newcastle 1 Middlesbrough 2

We said:  

Uncle Bobby said this: 

Cockney Spiv Tel said this (about two-goal Boksic): 

Waffle: 

This St.Patrick's Day debacle was enough to drive even temperance advocates to the strong stuff, as Boro came up North with their own particular brand of stupidity and petulance, but also with a striker of genuine artistry.

A lack of support from the home fans once their team was in deficit was entirely understandable, as the realisation sunk in that the current team on the pitch aren't lacking in application or resolve, just in talent. We hammered away at the visitors in what was a a deeply dispiriting, unintelligent manner and at the end weren't flattered by a one goal loss. Some booing was evident, especially when the PA man expressed his hope (on behalf of the directors) that we'd enjoyed the afternoon, but people in general just seem resigned to the fact that what is served up is now standard fare. 

If the Boro win reminded fans of a festive Wilkinson-inspired victory of a decade ago, echoes of the golden age of Jim Smith were conjured up by the dull stupidity of our attempts to salvage a point or three. Surely Wayne Quinn is the new Ray Ranson, with his unerring ability to race twelve yards into the opponents half before ballooning a cross over to somewhere vaguely near the goal where we might have had players in position, once. The ghost of Brian Tinnion was also invoked by at least one other player who paused before passing to consult the United bench.  

The referee certainly couldn't be accused of not trying to aid the United cause, booking Boro players for whinging, which as a consequence saw Stamp dismissed for his jet-propelled assault on Lee. As we mentioned in the match preview, Mr Barber couldn't be more of a homer if he moved in next door to Ned Flanders, and he obliged us with two free kick advancements, both of which we wasted, and of course the penalty, similarly spurned. Unfortunately he chose to give a free kick for a non-foul to Boro, and a certain Croatian didn't need any extra yardage to blaze home stylishly. Quite what Shay Given thought his wall placement would achieve is open to question, but at least 100 toon fans behind the goal could be seen gesturing their alarm as Boksic started his run up.

Other unanswered questions - what do the United squad do to fill their time in during training ? Certainly practicing their marking at set pieces, crossing to ball to a colleague and of course the noble art of shooting must come way down the list after test-driving cars and ignoring the requests of local journalists for interviews....  

Quite what Shola Ameobi thought the score was when he ambled off the field is anyone's guess, but his elongated departure and waves to all four sides of the ground betrayed the fact we were losing and Bobby was again throwing on his trio of subs on to perform miracles in a matter of moments. Hopefully one of the less cerebral members of the backroom staff (there a several), kicked his arse down the corridor and reminded him that he has a long, long way to go if he's to become a Premiership footballer. 

One can only feel sorry for Bobby Robson that his squad appears totally incapable of understanding whatever he imparts to them in the way of tactics or positioning. After having fifteen minutes to rant, scream and cajole, his charges followed the game plan for precisely ninety seconds before reverting to type, causing the manager to charge onto the field in a manner of Max Bygraves, wringing his hands in a "wanna-tell-you-a-story" manner. Who said music hall was dead ?

However, more and more of the players on the field are Robson (or Wadsworth) purchases, or have been retained by the current management while others have been sacrificed. Under those circumstances, at sometime the finger has to be pointed at Bobby. Four million pounds worth of Argentinean international midfielder once again got spelks in his hindquarters on the bench, while Andy Griffin was dropped from the team to accomodate Barton - am I the only one that thinks this continual treatment of Griff stinks?  

The absence of Shearer meant that the returning Cort had a testing return to action, but he took his goal well and struggled all afternoon in the face of  appalling service from his colleagues, and a shadowing of his runs into the box from Ameobi and Acuna. Surely someone on the field or on the bench could see the gap that kept appearing at the far post - the feckless planks crossing the ball certainly had no bother finding it..... 

A fellow cynic made the valid point that individually the players representing us would probably prosper in other teams eg. Robert Lee would probably have an Stuart Pearce-like Indian Summer at the Boleyn Ground with Carrick to do his running. Collectively though, we are that very worst of things, a bland and dull team not worth turning out to watch. At the moment we are the very antithesis of the team that Sky called the entertainers, and we can't even be called a boring defensive outfit in the wake of our 25th consecutive soiled (ie not clean) sheet.

Not a good time for Douggie Hall to start invoking memories of those Keegan days, with wild talk of Europe and big name players. Quite simply, anyone who signs for us in our present state is either sentimental, mad or a fugitive from justice.

Moving on, £55 buys you tickets for our next two away games, Bradford and Ipswich, not including the cost of petrol, food, drink and valium. If this continues, the scramble for seats will only be for those with a restricted view. We've probably got just too many points for a relegation battle to become a reality, but equally our chances of making Europe are dead and buried unless deamean ourselves in the Intertoto Cup (qualifying for which would be a minor achievement given our current form.) 

PS - Curiously the match programme didn't carry details of Gary Speed's comic relief fund-raising challenge. Being sponsored to help starving bairns is the only reason I can imagine for his exhibition of one-touch passing. He may have been returning from injury, but such was the fitfulness of his contribution that he could have lain on a stretcher and watched passes bounce off his oxygen tent for all the good he was.  

Quite simply, nowt was right with United. Again.

Biffa

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