Alan Pardew:

"The performance was lack-lustre from us. The (difference in) energy levels between the teams was marked. If you don’t threaten the opposition, they’re going to keep coming. That’s what Southampton did. It was a great game for them. 

"They played very well and made it really difficult for us but that’s a performance that we need to make sure never happens ever again – certainly not for the next six games.

The United players were clearly delighted by Pardew's return

England trio Jay Rodriguez, Ricky Lambert and Adam Lallana enjoyed the freedom of St. Mary's on Saturday afternoon, as United somehow escaped a landslide defeat despite a pathetic showing.

Rodriguez netted in the final seconds of an opening half that the Saints had completely dominated - fashioning a dozen scoring chances before finally beating Rob Elliot, who despite conceding four goals in the match was the only Newcastle player to emerge with a shred of credit.

Any notion that donning the "lucky" yellow change shirt would help us in this battle for eighth place were soon dispelled in an atrocious display that left Alan Pardew squirming with embarrassment in his stand seat.

Far from projecting his self-proclaimed winning mentality on the dressing room after serving a three match stadium ban, the United manager's return - and team selection - had a thoroughly debilitating effect.  

Taking Paul Dummett out of the firing line after a three game stint, Massadio Haidara returned at left back for his first league start since April 2013. Tim Krul's knee injury meanwhile saw Elliot make his seasonal league bow.

With Loic Remy missing once again, Luuk De Jong paid the price for his lack of impact and was dropped in favour of Hatem Ben Arfa. That policy had a catastrophic effect on the rest of his colleagues, seemingly tired of his variable effort levels and questionable commitment to the team.

Unfortunately though, that manifested itself in the rest of the outfield players seemingly downing tools in an opening 45 minutes that rivaled the shambles that was the first half of the last derby match. Inept doesn't describe it.  

Southampton started well and after Lambert put his seventh minute effort into the side netting, missed a succession of chances - Elliot twice denying Lambert, Rodriguez once, and seeing a raft of other opportunities whistle past his goal.

As early as the 23rd minute, Cheick Tiote and Mike Williamson had to be separated by team mates as a verbal spat threatened to escalate into something more.

Just when United seemed to have survived though, Lambert had time and space to roll the ball across the area to Rodriguez to open the floodgates. Pardew will surely have taken full advantage of his permitted return to the dressing room to say a few choice words, but may as well have saved his breath and queued for a pie...

Ben Arfa failed to reappear for the second period and was sacrificed for De Jong, while Davide Santon came on at right back in place of the troubled Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa. Saints doubled their lead within five minutes though, when a cross floated to the back post by Lallana found Lambert who casually thumped it into the roof of the net.

Having taken a 2-0 lead at Spurs the previous weekend before losing momentum and ending up on the wrong end of a 2-3 loss, Maurico Pocchetino's side began to snooze in the sunshine and United enjoyed some possession. However that failed to see the creation of a single scoring chance and once Southampton rediscovered their rhythm, their third goal following almost immediately.  

Lallana slammed in the goal of the game after taking a pass from Jack Cork and setting off towards the United goal, pulling the trigger from outside of the box as our defence back-pedalled and leaving Elliot grasping air. With virtually no support or service, Papiss Cisse finally registered Newcastle's first shot on target after 72 minutes only to be denied by the legs of Artur Boruc. 

Elliot then pulled off a double save three minutes later to foil James Ward-Prowse either side of Lallana hitting the post, as more home goals looked inevitable. Perhaps the lowest point of a shambolic day came with four minutes of normal time remaining as United came forward with something approaching competence and Dummett delivered a fine centre from the left.

Right in front of the away support, the ball arrived at an unmarked De Jong towards the far post just six yards out. A header, a shot, a chest or even a thrust of his gonads at it would surely have got him a first Newcastle goal. Instead though he allowed the ball to brush harmlessly against him before Yoan Gouffran vainly attempted to steer it home. The attacking instinct of a cuddly toy.

Take your pick on who he reminds you of: thoroughbred carthorses such as Guivarc'h, Andersson, Pingel, Kuqi or McDonald. Bring back Leon Best; he's more fit for purpose than this complete and utter bloody duck egg. 

The final nail in the coffin came on 89 minutes, when yet more woeful defending allowed Rodriguez to turn and fire across Elliot to equal our worst defeat this season.

Having tried to urge the team on during the game, many of those still in the away end after full time deservedly booed and abused the players, who cut short their attempt to applaud the crowd and sloped off.  Elliot did receive a better reception for at least keeping the score down (even if his distribution is pathetic) as he tossed his gloves into the crowd. 

While our criticism is across the board though, it has to be recorded that a large part of the problem here came firstly by the lack of viable alternatives to our "first XI" - and the miserable excuse for performances served up by senior players like messrs Tiote, Coloccini and Sissoko. Quite what planet Gouffran now inhabits is also unclear.

Overdue ticket price reductions may have slightly eased the burden, but the cost of travel and the time taken to attend games like this simply cannot be justified when the reward is as miserable and gutless as today. The remaining games this season at Stoke, Arsenal and Liverpool stretch out before us like a prison sentence. 

If Old Trafford and White Hart Lane were high spots this season, then this was an all-too predictable low point. When ripped to bits on this ground last season, we trotted out the midweek Europa League refrain - now it seems we're no longer capable of even playing midweek Premier League matches and functioning afterwards.  

It can be argued that Everton had a motivation to win in midweek that we lacked, as they attempted to attack a European spot. The same cannot be said of Southampton though, who began the day trailing us by two points and have as little to play for as Newcastle. 

They appear to have sort of ambition, structure and spirit though, in contrast to the con men masquerading as footballers who receive support they do not deserve. 

Final word to one of the four lads in the away end who had cycled here from Tyneside and raised a few grand for cancer charities in doing so. His verdict on the game? 

"all we wanted was 90 minutes effort".  

Every outfield Newcastle player here today should be fined for this effort-free abomination of a performance and the proceeds given to those charities - having the brass neck to draw a wage for this is simply shameful.

Biffa