Feyenoord 2 Newcastle 1 

Referee: Rene Temminki

Teams: 

FFC (normal home: red/white halved shirts, black shorts.): Dudek, Gyan, Van Wonderen, De Haan, Rzasa, Kalou, Bosvelt,
Paauwe, Leonardo (Van Vossen 54 mins), Korneev (Cruz 73 mins), Tomasson (Jochemsen 68 mins).
Subs n/u: Laybutt, Tininho, De Visser, Malkovski, Emerton.

NUFC (normal home, white shorts/socks): Given (Harper 46 mins), Barton, Dabizas, Hughes, Goma (Marcelino 46mins), Griffin (Solano 55 mins), Speed, Lee, Cordone, Cort, Gallacher (Ferguson 63 mins).
Subs n/u: Kerr, McClen.

-15 mins. Consternation in the away end, as the less drunk amongst us noticed an interloper in the United team as it was announced via the scoreboard. Apparently our number 14 was "Luigi Di Biagio", but in the event this turned out to be a figment of the typists imagination, and the comparatively mundane figure of Kevin Gallacher emerged.
6 mins. Unforeseen outbreak of creative attacking from United, as Barton pushed down the left and found Gallacher infield, who back-heeled the ball into the path of Cort. He in turn fed Cordone who had a clear path to goal, only his indifferent first touch saw the half-chance vanish.
7 mins. Cort again involved, this time meeting a Cordone free kick from the left with a firm header, clawed away by an acrobatic save from the home keeper.
15 mins. More encouraging work from the visitors: Gallacher intercepted a slack pass on the edge of the box, and played in the supporting Cort. However, his Dyer-esque low shot sped harmlessly wide of the post from 15 yards - a miss that was to prove crucial.
17 mins. United's bright opening was extinguished by first meaningful home attack, which saw the ball slice through the middle of the United half and be gathered by the inevitable figure of Tomasson on the right side of the area. He showed shooting prowess seldom seen during his stay in England, to rifle the ball past Given into the far side of the net, provoking a quick burst of "I will survive" from the PA. 0-1.
28 mins. The frequency with which winger Kalou was rounding Hughes on the byline and delivering dangerous crosses was becoming alarming, and he repeated the feat, only to see his perfect centre pass harmlessly across the United six yard area.
30 mins. A bit of ill-will from one-time toon target Paul Bosvelt, as he barged Speed over and then lashed the ball into the pitchside adverts when penalised. Given the friendly nature of the game, no card was shown. However United nearly exacted their own revenge when Cordone swung in the free kick and Cort got a header in that ended up on the roof of the net.
40 mins. Danger for the visitors as a dozing Goma gifted the ball to Kalou, who attempted an ambitious 30 yard lob that Given was relieved to see veer wide of his goal.
45 mins. A deserved equaliser right at the end of the half, initiated by Speed's sharp pass out to the left. Cordone was waiting to cut in towards the box, before dummying to shoot and pulling back to deliver a looping cross. An aerial challenge from Cort on Rzasa seemed to have been won by use of a hand from the home defender, but as the ball dropped on the "D", Lee shot home via a slight deflection to end all argument. The goalscorer then stood on the byline, taking the applause of the United fans in the upper tier behind the goal 1-1.   

Halftime: Feyenoord 1 NUFC 1

47 mins. Good work from Griffin, who found space on the right in much the same manner as he had when setting up the goal at Burnley. This time however Cort was unable to convert his cross, the 'keeper blocking his first shot, and the referee's whistle then inexplicably stopped play.
55 mins. Tomasson threated again, but this time was denied by Harper, who came off his line quickly to block a shot.
56 mins. Yet another opportunity for Cort, who this time ran on to a long ball and managed to thump his 18 yard effort against the crossbar.
59 mins As you were again for United, with chances missed at one end being ruthlessly exploited at the other almost immediately. A move begun by Gyan bringing the ball upfield  saw Tomasson gain possession on the edge of the Newcastle box without being challenged, before turning the ball sideways to Korneev. The former Barcelona player  finished well, scoring with a precise low shot past Harper into the bottom corner of the net. 1-2
63 mins. Pre-match speculation about whether Duncan Ferguson could ascend the steps from the United dressing room without suffering an injury of some part of his anatomy proved unfounded as he replaced Gallacher, to cheers from the travelling contingent.
70 mins. Under little pressure, the home goalkeeper dragged the ball over the byline to concede a corner. Solano this time took it, and Cordone managed to fashion a shot from the edge of box after a neat shimmy, but dragged it harmlessly wide.
74 mins. The first positive contribution by Ferguson to the United cause since the opening moments of  the FA Cup semi against Chelsea, as he attempted to set Cort away on a goal-bound run with a header - only to see it cut out by an alert defender.
84 mins. The pre-match prediction of 3-1 by the young Feyenoord mascot was only prevented by a fine Harper effort to deny substitute Cruz, who looked a certain scorer.
87 mins. A non-challenge from the distinctly unimpressive Marcelino saw former Rangers player Peter Van Vossen presented with a clear run on goal, but Hughes for once got to the ball first, and humped to away to safety before Jochemsen had the chance to knock the ball home.
89 mins. The unlikely prospect of an equaliser came after good work from Solano and Speed ended with the latter crossing for Ferguson to try and place his header into the corner of the net. Unfortunately it ended up dropping easily into the goalkeepers grasp.

Final Score: Feyenoord  2 NUFC 1

Waffle: 

Impressions of ground: Built for security, with the away section surrounded by 7 foot tall metal railings, then perspex shields before squads of stewards.. and then the home fans. At pitch level, a moat separates the crowd from the players, who emerge from subterranean dressing rooms.

De Kuip was massively improved in 1994, and now boasts a roof that covers the whole upper tier of the stands. There hardly seems to be a poor view in the place, but the lower tiers behind each goal looked somewhat less than permanent - reminiscent of the bolted-together effort we endured in the late 1980's at the Leazes end.

Pre-match security wasn't particularly high profile, but the searches conducted on away fans were fairly rigorous, and one unfortunate lad had his contact lens case taken off him as an offensive weapon. I doubt if Geoff Capes in his prime could have hit anyone with that from the away end....

Mention must be made of the typically mindless din that passes for musical entertainment in Dutch grounds (see also Euro 2000 etc.) A uniquely tinny concoction of pub singing and oompah style brass boomed around the stadium. No doubt Middlesbrough have ordered copies of these accusred racket, now that little Jooneeniho has slung his hook and their samba stylings are no longer relevant, if they ever were..... 

This certainly seemed to have infected the home support, who treated us to a baffling rendition of "Daisy Daisy" early in the first half - no doubt the lyrics of their version promising death to the first-born of all Ajax fans. Or something. 

As to the match, with my avowed intention not to be negative at this stage, the frequency of offsides against United can only point to an eagerness to push forward, while the somewhat stilted performance of Ferguson is merely the first step on his own personal road to recovery (wherever that may lead.) Bassedas of course will learn English so much quicker on his regular trips to the hospital to monitor broken on his fettled foot, and shin splints will prevent Kieron Dyer from involvement in any dance floor-related disturbances for the forseeable future....

However, to press for positives throughout the team is to stretch the  point even further. The lads started off well here tonight, and Cort got into good positions thanks in no small part to the sharp thinking of Cordone, but chances were again spurned. It's possible to portray the tendency Cort has to pull wide as an advantage when he plays with Shearer, allowing the senior man to take up his most dangerous positions, but the season looms and such theories remain untested.

Similarly, the suitability of Griffin to a midfield role is welcome news, but behind him lies something of a collective disaster area. Bobby may know who his preferred back line are, but I certainly don't. Proof was provided tonight that Hughes is not a full back, while the inclusion of Marcelino was depressing. Ideally the bloke shouldn't be within a country mile of the senior side, but a similar comment about Pistone in these pages was ultimately proved wrong to the tune of £3.5m, so let's wait and see what Bobby has planned.   

Of course me and Melanie Sykes will be supping Boddingtons out of a glass slipper while sailing down the Manchester Ship Canal on a megastore carrier bag, should we return from Old Trafford with a point or more, but let's just say things don't look much better at this stage than a year ago when Ruud Gullit led his troops into battle. The experience of recent years shows that a bad start to the season is to be avoided at all costs.