Full time: Newcastle 0 AS Roma 0

Sir Bobby said:
 
"Overall I am delighted with their performance. If we fell short then it was in perhaps not playing enough direct British-style football."

Fabio Capello:

"They did have their chances - but missed them!"
 

The game in a nutshell: Trailing by a single goal after the first leg in Italy (and that a dubious penalty), United just couldn't find a way past goalkeeper Francesco Antonioli. He blocked two excellent efforts from Temuri Ketsbaia while Alan Shearer came close with a free kick.

Losing the services of Franck Dumas with a wrist injury, Kieron Dyer was back in the side after recovering from surgery on his calf but lacked a killer burst of pace. Duncan Ferguson came on as substitute for the closing stages as the Italian "gamesmanship" became ever more blatant.  

Now without further ado, on to our spleen-venting:


Folklore, now there's a word to conjure with. In many ways folklore is the watered-down, hey nonny nonny equivalent of the latter day urban myth. You know the sort of thing, "mate of my brother got mugged in the street on holiday, woke up and they'd nicked his kidneys etc.etc." 

Of course, we here at St.James' Park in the toon army (surely some would fail the medical) are up to our necks in folklore, especially when the subject of cups is broached: famous black & white stripes, twin towers, you know the rest.... if you don't, just sit back until one of our cup matches is on the telly. Of course I defy anyone not to be aware of and thoroughly sick of the H word - Hereford.....

However, when "Europe" comes round again, it is virtually a local bylaw to mention "those famous Fairs Cup nights", "Bobby Moncur with the Fairs Cup in his hand", "the snow against Setubal" and a thousand others. 

In recent times we haven't done a lot by and large; unfortunate tactics, penalties and injuries accounting for demises under Kevin, Kenny and Rudi. Aha, I hear you say, the daft old fool has forgotten about Barcelona at home.....

Right then, get your Barca video out and wave your commemorative programme, mug and tea towel in the air. All the following are FACTS:

1. Tickets were still on sale for the Barca home game less than one hour before kickoff, both from the ticket office and optimistic touts - the touts were cheaper than the ticket office.

2. The ground didn't sell out and thousands of season ticket holders didn't attend, but "stayed at home and watched it on the telly" as the song says.

3. I know of at least three people who turned down tickets for the game because they were already going out in Toon that night to see....Oasis, a bunch of illiterate Mancunian car thieves.  

4. People arrived late and went home early, when the Spaniards had come back from 3-0 to 3-2.

One of the biggest nights in the history of the club, a goalscoring feat to tell your bairns bairns about, possibly the most prestigious club in the world beaten, on Tyneside. 

Not attractive enough for some of the toon army though: what do they want to see at St.James' Park ? moon landings ? Denise Van Outen tied to the corner flag ?  

What in god's name has all this to do with the Roma home game then? Well, exactly the same thing happened this year as in 1997. People voted with their feet, some pleading poverty (but surely the twenty notes for a ticket could be gleaned from selling their seat for a meaningless league game?) others chose to go and watch...the Pet Shop Boys. Some probably dribbled pints of Scotch down their dicky bows or gawped at mooning snowmen in Fenwicks window; I don't know.

However, I do know that on Thursday night thousands of regulars were missing, and replaced by a multitude of latecomers, pie-chasers, incontinent children and baffled tourists, most of whom were either mute, embarrassed or suffering from sore throats. Result ? 75 minutes of the game passing by without any discernible atmosphere - as someone once said "I've seen more life in a tramps vest". 

At least those who mooched in for the visit Barcelona had the decency to "make some noise" even before the opening goal - you check that video. By contrast, Roma and United took the field to spontaneous indifference from the crowd and it wasn't until the introduction of big Dunc barely quarter of an hour before the end, and continual dodgy Italian tackling and German officiating, that people climbed off their hands and opened their throats. 

Contrast this to the noise generated by the comparative handful that went to Roma.....

With the game on a knife edge and extra time still a distinct possibility, all round the stadium the thump of arseless seats flipping up could be heard. I don't care if they want to get the last bus to Tristan Da Cunha, what the hell did they come for? 

If they want to miss the crush getting out of the car park, take a tip and stay in the house. I know some people have to bow to babysitters, live in the arse end of nowhere or work nights, but unless condoms have been banned, vast housing estates have been built on Holy Island or local factories are making Spitfires for the war effort, that doesn't explain away the deserting multitudes. 

Of course when the infrequent ticket bun fights break out they'll be writing to the Sunday Sun, having never missed a game since the Profumo affair. How many final whistles though, eh?

Back to that folkore thing again; local papers and sychophantic ex-players never tire of telling us we're the best fans in the world, and worth a goal start. Newcastle fans take all this in like I would take in free Guinness, but it's a yarn and an increasingly untenable lie for thousands of our so-called supporters. I bet the Roma players have felt more intimidated on their own training ground. 

Fortress? my arse.

Biffa